All in my head

Hello, My name is Nicola and I suffer from OCD. Anyone who has this illness will realise how frightening and debilitating it can be. In my case I think I have always been a little obsessional since childhood but soon discovered that I would develop Intrusive unwanted thoughts that would last and consume a lot of my energy beyond my control.
My thoughts can vary from the ridiculous to the most abhorrent causing me to have many dark and lonely days. It wasn’t until the 1990’s that I had for the best part of two years, hit & run OCD. It was a thought that I had either killed or seriously injured another human being and the pot holes in the road felt like a body. Considering that I am a relatively good driver and have never been involved in a road traffic accident, it did come as a surprise that I would have to suffer like this. What was strange is that it did not include wild animals as they tend to dash across the road usually resulting in roadkill.
I started to imagine the worst possible case scenario and felt as if I was losing my mind or that my mind was being taken over. My stomach felt like it was full of adrenaline, my mind telling me I was already guilty and yet nothing had happened, it was all in my head.
I don’t believe that I will ever be free of this illness as I think part of it is who I am, but if it can be managed for a better quality of life then I am happy with that.
After a recent episode I was prescribed Citalopram which has significantly improved my mood and OCD symptoms and I will be receiving some CBT which has helped me before.
Anyone reading my story who suffers similar OCD symptoms to mine, I would say, stay strong, get plenty of rest, exercise and relaxation which is key to recovery, our minds and bodies need to rest, take up a hobby, I like to cross stitch, and you will soon feel like you again. I know I do now X

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